Jaffa scandal at SPL

June 12, 2009


'They just don't taste quite right' - Dave Coates, 23 (above)

There was a mild disturbance among the employees at the Scottish Poetry Library today when librarian Julie Johnstone brought strawberry Jaffa cakes in for afternoon tea. Dave Coates (23, pictured) was the first to try the rogue cake/biscuit variant. He declared them to ‘not blend as well as Jaffa originals’ saying ‘they taste a bit funny’. Julie, didn’t like them at all, agreeing with Jane that they tasted like the horrible Quality Streets left over on Boxing Day that nobody likes but everybody eats.

‘The taste was just not right; not what you’d expect of a Jaffa, more like Turkish Delight’, one spokesperson, who wishes to remain nameless, stated. A commenter on Facebook told Our Sweet Old Etc, via a Facebook comment, that ‘as the custodians of language, poets should strenuously resist this insidious travesty’ [making a mockery of the name Jaffa by flavouring it with strawberry]. Lizzie MacGregor was unavailable for comment, though one witness claims she ate two. The investigation continues.

Fact Box

The largest strawberry ever grown weighed 8.17 ounces, that’s 231g.
Strawberries are the only fruit with seeds on the outside
The word strawberry comes from Old English words ‘Steowberie’ or ‘Streowbelige’.
There are no known poems written about Jaffa cakes.

4 Responses to “Jaffa scandal at SPL”

  1. This is truly shocking.

  2. Lorrainebow Says:

    No known poems about jaffa cakes? The gauntlet is thrown!…

    Big mouths munch and small mouths nibble
    between us all, there is no quibble
    Jaffa’s bring us joy, you see
    that comes in cheap at 99p
    a chocolate spaceship mystery
    (confusion surrounds VAT)

    My favourite piece of Jaffa lore
    comes from a distant southern shore
    where alex ferguson implores
    at half time break, in football wars
    his men devour jaffas or..
    the other team – it makes them score

    The jaffa adverts far eclipse
    all other delights for our lips
    and in a snack fight, i believe
    this cake would win on taste with ease
    hobnob and bourbons aim to please
    but jaffa puts them on their knees

    the only problem I can see
    (i hope the folks at McVitie
    will understand and forgive me)
    is lack of rhymes for jaffa -we
    write our verse with difficulty
    thus jaffa has no poetry!

  3. At least two poems on JCs now:

    Jaffa Cake, Jaffa Cake, Baker man
    Bake me a biscuit of strawberry jam
    and call it a cake, and claim it’s a Jaffa.
    Orange or strawberry? It’s nothing but half a
    corruption of sense – neither biscuit nor cake,
    neither orange nor strawberry – this thing is a fake.


  4. […] 16, 2009 Better late than never, and delayed only by stop the press Jaffagate (and by the way we loved your poems Lorrainebow and David! The Jaffa Cake canon explodes…) I […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: